I was talking with ming when suddenly my mind lost for a moment.

For the hundred times of my life, I have vacillated about the things I should do after I finished my college. There's a phase when he said that I should focus on studying since I'm going to enroll master degree next year. It was no good to take any work since I had a chance to be a teacher. But, unfortunately, I wasn't lucky enough to get the position cause they said I hadn't fulfilled the requirement as a teacher. Since I received the email, it has been slapping me to study more and more to remedy myself so I won't do the same mistakes. But now, he said I should do something than studying. I have to do anything else... after he knew that I didn't accepted as a teacher. How could he possibly said that in my breakdown? Like I don't have any chance to get any master cause I can't be a teacher...

Oh, dear, God..

Am I doing the right thing?

I follow him respectfully cause he has more experience than me

Now, I feel like I'm losing my mind cause he told me this and then that

He said I should focus

But then I have to do anything else while I am pursuing my goal

Hey, man.. Few years ago before you told me to do anything else while I am pursuing my goal, I already did that. I could do anything I want and be good since I knew every move I've taken has a small path to reach my goal. but now, I had lost it after you said I should focus on one thing.

sometimes, I really hate that

another time, I'm glad to be that.

I don't know what am I writing here right now. I just kinda sad. I am worrying about my-ten-years-later. Am I doing all of this for me? Or anyone else?

:(